I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
