dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
