There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Found the puke drawer
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
