a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
