My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
