i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
