It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
