he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
