batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
