We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
