i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize