i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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