So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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