As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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