You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
