Where did you get a picture of my penis
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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