Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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