They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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