peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
