I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
