I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
