as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.