she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.