Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.