hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?