Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain