i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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