Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
