Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
