highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ladies don't puke and tell
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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