Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
