there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
