The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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