we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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