At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
