I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
