Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
