Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
