Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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