suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
