I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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