16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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