overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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