A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
