she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Pooping to opera.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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