I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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