I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
