Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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