the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
