she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
