Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize