Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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