Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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