My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
