Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
