we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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