i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
