somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Two words: nipple clamps
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