Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
