as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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