I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
