I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
