cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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