Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
