I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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