Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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